Current Sections:
Newest:  To The One I Left Behind, Depths Of The Heart     [05.04.04]

A Poem To Myself,  Afraid,  All For You,  Alone,  Audible Weapon,  ,Another Taste,  Beat Me Up Inside,  Because Of You,  
Buried But Not Forgotten,  Burn Away,  Cellophane,  Change Of Pace,  Cheap Entertainment,  Corner Of My Mind,  
Cries And Goodbyes,  Cuts,  Daily Grind,  Dedicated,  Define Hate,  Depths Of The Heart,  Directions,  Disappear,  
Distance,  Dreaming,  Dreams,  Dropping The Ball,  End: Day One,  End Yesterday And Tomorrow,  Enemy,  
Everythings Fine,  Faded Image,  Failure,  First Flower,  Floating High,  Formula,  For Our Love,  Further,  Guidance,  
Guy Between,  Here,  Here Today Gone Tomorrow,  I Cared,  I Dont Ever Want To Be,  I Dreamed I Died,  I Want I Need I Fall,  
I Want To Be,  I'm A Friend,  I'm...,  In Deep,  In Doubt When Im Alone,  Incredible,  Its Amazing,  Just Like This,  Just Once,  
Last Words,  Learning Living Loving,  Life Is Doing Time,  Love At First Sight,  Memories,  Message From The Heart,  
Mind Blank,  Missing,  Missing Love,  More Bad Dreams,  More Fighting,  Most Favored,  Motivation,  My Bleeding Heart,  
My Hero,  My Lies,  My Turn Is Over,  Natural Feelings,  No Sleep,  Not The One,  Oblivious,  Once,  One Month,  Our Spot,  
Peace And Quiet?,  Price Of Consequence,  Problems Arising,  Recognition,  Red,  Reincarnation,  Release,  Religion,  
Repetition Of Unneeded Retribution,  Revenge,  Rise And Shine,  Run,  Senses,  Seperate Me,  Sight,  Sleeping,  
Sleeping Alone,  Sometimes,  Substance Abuser,  Surfaces,  The Price,  Thief,  Things Change,  This Love Of Ours,  
This Moment In Time,  Thoughts,  To Myself,  To The One I Left Behind,  Umbrella,  Unique,  Way Out,  What To Say,  
Where And When,  Where Could You Be?,  Without You,  Words,  Worthless,  You Can Make It Without Me.

Sayings   Last Updated:  [ 02.11.04 ]

                                                         [ a collection of my random not-so-daily hatreds. ]
Poetry:      [ back to top ]

All For You 
its all for you, its all about you,
i would do anything for you, i would give it all for you,
i live for you, i'd die for you,
when i am without you, i dont want to go on,
when i am with you, i fly along,
when i am beside you, i want to be closer,
when i am away from you, a tear will fall,
i'll do anything for you, i'll be everything for you,
i'll be there for you, i'll love you,
when its all said and done,
i'll be happy,
because i did it all for you.

Cries And Goodbyes 
i try to run, i try to hide,
from all the pain deep inside,
but i cant escape whats in my mind,
each day afraid of what i might find,
i cant forget you, believe me i've tried,
it kept getting worse and the more i cried,
i wish you were here, why did you die?
why couldnt you wait until i said goodbye?

Missing Love 
Its my love that i have lost,
My heart and happiness were the cost.
I feel alone out in the frost,
Your feelings, in the air i tossed,
Its my fault your gone, its all my loss.

For Our Love 
you told me to smile
and everything would be alright
thats easy for you to say
when you are so far out of sight
i hid myself from you
pushed you away with all my might
i told you before
for our love i'd fight
so im not giving up
until you are back in my sight
i'll be everything you need
lift you to new heights
i want us to go on
i want our love to take flight
im going to look you in the eyes
and tell you everything will be alright

Without You 
the window is wide open
but there's no light shining through
there is no happiness in my life
when i am without you
you've moved on, by my request
but i wished you still missed me too
i dont know what i was thinking
i was being stupid, i was the fool
but i know one thing is true
i cannot live my life without you

why do i try
to give you
peace of mind
you took my life
i was stabbed in the back
and you were holding the knife
you said you would set me free
but you forgot to mention
you wouldnt let me be me
if im not what you wanted
why did you want me
im not going out of my way
for you again
you are now an enemy
that i once called a friend
but it will be okay in the end
cause what comes around
goes around my friend

Faded Image 
you always look at me the same
im just a picture locked inside a frame
let me out, i'll be whatever you want
i'll turn your life around, back to the front
i tried once before, but i got it all wrong
this is a different story, a different song
i'll be the guy you need, the one you deserve
my heart belongs to no one else, you have it reserved
i'd walk a million miles, and then crawl one more mile
just to hold you in my arms, and see you laugh and smile
so please let me out of this frame, i'll be yours and true
i promise even when we get old, our love will stay like new

Natural Feelings 
i look in your eyes, my pain goes away
the clouds come, and rain falls my way
the storm builds but it doesnt stop me
when im with you, i become set free
the rain falls harder, i get down to my knees
these falling weights, do not penetrate me
our love grows slowly, the love between you and me
now just a seed, but eventually becomes a tree
i am thankful for life, thankful for you and me

i run away, and continue to hide
i cant find the right words in my mind
the words i need to tell you, the ones that explain how i feel
how much you mean to me, why i find you so unreal
but the words i cannot find today
so again, you stay, and i run away
hopping tomorrow the words i will find
the words i need to whisper to make you mine
but again i try, and again the words dont come
and so again that day, i shy away and run
and finally, finally the words i am looking for
flow from my lips, but they arent the cure
for the loneliness and sadness i fear
cause i spoke the words while you werent near
so i repeat them for you, when i am not by myself
but to my shock and dismay, you have found someone else
so head down, i walk away, no need to run this time
the feelings i had for you were unique, the words were all mine
i ment everything i said, it was all the truth
until you, i didnt believe i could find love at this youth

Love At First Sight 
i walk up to your door, slowly and softly
when you come to your door, im amazed by what i see
the most beautiful person i have ever seen
i greet you with a hug and i feel your energy rush through me
instantly my heart bursts at the seams and love flies free
this love i have for you, is because of the love you give to me

i try so hard, to understand what you believe
but i guess religion is just too much for me to conceive
i know it bothers you, knowing i dont feel the same as you
why you think we are here and after death where we go to
i try so very hard to understand, i want to be like you
i want to know what my life is but i dont know what to do
so until i find out what to do, im going to listen to your feelings
cause in the end your thoughts might convince me to start believing
i try to be what you want me to be, but i just cant see things that way
so you can keep trying, but my ways arent going to change today

Peace And Quiet? 
quietness is measured by how alone you feel
and through this silence i will peel
because finally i have found you
and this quietness you have too
so now to quietness i say goodbye
i have found my noise, to last for all time
and through this noise i wade
as i watch loneliness fade
and i no longer feel alone
this noise has only begun to grow

im not afraid to cry
im afraid to walk away
im not afraid to die
im afraid to throw you away
im not afraid to try
im afraid of what could happen if i stay
im not afraid to say goodbye
im afraid of what might come my way
im not afraid of you, im afraid of myself

you have changed my life in more ways then you know
and i feel you will change it in even more ways even after you go
these changes are varied some you might not even know
on my boat you are the sail but in my raft you dont have to row
you are the lighthouse to guide me through what i dont know
these changes you have made, unnoticed they will not go
in the beginning your guidance i did not follow
but now i see your point, and im glad you never let go
now i love you now more than you will ever know

Our Spot 
in our secret spot underneath the stars
you and i can be alone and at peace
we can sit and talk or be quiet and wonder
about all the things that lay beyond our reach
we can sit by the water, alone on our bench
compare the landscape, take it what we see
for that short time, i can explain what doesnt make sense
because im here with you, and you are my second half
without you i am nothing but a silly little boy
i live my life to make you smile, to make you laugh
but in our spot, alone far away
no matter how long or short we are there
the memories wont ever go away
and to think this spot was once just my own
but it wasnt long before i saw your value
and this spot quickly had grown
its no longer my spot, its our spot
and no one can take this away
because our place can remain just in thought
i wont be able to look at it the same without you
i may go by it on a daily basis, but it wont be quite the same
every time i sit there, i'll begin to realize how much i miss you
but in our spot, our peaceful spot, together or apart, beneath the stars,
this spot will always belong to me and you, it will always be ours

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow 
i decide to stay
and then you run away
i hope you will return the next day
but things stay the same way
i wish today was yesterday
when i thought you were here to stay

This Moment In Time 
we sat alone, that one special night,
i held you in my arms as we sat under the moon light.
for just those couple minutes, i knew what love was,
i told you i loved you, no reasons needed, just because.
that night i realized how much i love you,
how much you mean to me, how i cant live without you.
if i had to pick a moment, my most favorite moment,
this would be it, because i know i wont ever forget it.
me and you, cuddled together, no words, just silence,
no worries, no problems, no concerns, no violence.
just you and i, at peace and happy, thats how it was,
charishable, meaningful, memorable, oh how magnificent it was.
its a feeling i want to repeat, over and over until the end of time,
it was ment for us. this moment is yours, this moment is mine.
our special moment in time.

i look at you, you look away,
i look to the ground, you try to look at my face,
i turn around, you turn my way,
i sit at one end, you sit at the other,
i walk towards you, but you walk the other way,
i look to the sky, you look with me,
a shooting star guides our eyes in the right direction,
and we stare into each others eyes for a moment,
feelings transverse, time stops, we dont blink,
we wonder, in all the places to look, why did i look here last?
your eyes should have been the first place i glanced,
they show me meaning, they show me life...
but thanks to this one moment, you see how i feel,
without us having to speak a single word.

you stole my life, you stole my friends
you made my world a torture that never ends
so come on back, take some more
steal my happiness, take my soul
i dont need it right? you said you would give me all i need
you didnt give me anything, you didnt even give a damn
so how am i supposed to live, when you own me
own my thoughts, own my possessions so dear to me
you stole my world away from my hands
you dont know what you started
but i know how it ends.

What To Say 
one day, some day,
i'll know exactly what to say,
i wont let my emotions get in my way,
i'll tell you the truth, even if if you dont want to stay,
for no one else have i felt this way,
and no matter what, i wont betray,
in my heart is where my mind with stray,
to try to find another way,
to express myself today,
but until that day, things stay this way,
i'll trip over my words, land on my beliefs,
squish my emotions, and stand up with my will,
stand up for what i feel, and in the end we'll see where i land,
some day, one day, i'll know exactly what to say.

i take a look back, at what i have, at what ive done
no matter how i look at it, i feel my life hasnt even begun
sure i have great memories, and i have had my share of fun
when i look back at what ive acomplished, it looks like im just trying to run
i run from problems, i run from situations, i run from feelings, i just run
i avoid the hazards, doubt my thoughts away, and around my fears ive spun
i reach out for a hand, someone to help me out, but their live is already done
i missed out, i missed it all, life past me by, i cant catch it, no matter how fast i run

its a new day today, yet i feel the same as yesterday
i wish it was gone, i wish it all just went away
if only you hadnt left me. i wish you had stayed
then things wouldnt be this way, id have real words to say
instead of emotions to hide and thoughts to leave unsaid
the pain keeps coming back, so i lay depressed in my bed
i close my eyes but still all i see is red, bloody red
of all my emotions, love was the one i never fed
i let it decay, i let it die. the only love i have, is the love i imagine in my head

My Bleeding Heart 
i bleed my heart and empty out my soul, i scream out loud as my tears start to roll,
i stand on a cliff, look to the sky for an answer, i get no reply and to the edge i take a step closer,
my bleeding heart is killing me inside, and in my heart is where my emotions hide,
now my toes hang off the edge, as i step closer and closer but never falling off the ledge,
this is the point, where you came into my life, instantly i felt better, i thought i had found my wife,
i was wrong, but you left me better than you found me, instead of jumping off a ledge, i just get on my knees,
i look to the sky and ask for guidance, and inside i realize i already have my guidance,
i have you, i have you as my friend, a friend that will be there for me, all the way to the end.

This Love Of Ours 
this love of ours just grows and grows,
the strength of it, no one knows,
i help it mature, i help it bloom,
in the end it will surely be our doom,
it will eat us, devour us, spit us out,
there will be pain and tears and we will certainly shout.
but in the end that wont mean anything,
because the love between us is the only thing,
the only thing that keeps us alive,
the only thing thats let me know you're mine.
so our love, i no longer fear,
our love only grows stronger when we are near.
but even when at a distance, our love gets stronger,
our love isnt just for life its much longer.
time will stop before our love ends.
in the path of life, love is the bend.
it brings me to the edge, almost too close.
but still its fragile, fragile like a rose.
this love makes us feel alive,
 and on this love i thrive,
its my motivation, my drive,
 to keep going and going through this rough life,
i wont leave you, i wont say goodbye,
i'll even be there for you after i die.
our love is what makes me happy,
sometimes very serious, sometimes rather sappy,
but i know inside its the true way i feel.
i'll crawl to your feet and kneel,
and when i ask you to be mine forever,
if yes is your answer, then your side i will leave empty, never,
 i'll be there for you to hold, and to talk to,
because i dont know how long i could live without you.
i cant explain with words just how i feel,
but my lips will speak, my soul open, and my heart will seel the deal,
i promise to love no other, the way i love you.
i wouldnt have even made it this far, if it wasnt for you.
so now im on my knees, looking up to you,
ive spoke my mind and now i listen for a clue,
a clue of whats on your mind, and what  you think,
and i can only stare, im too scared to blink.
so i look you into your eyes, and tell you i love you,
and with all my heart, i rise to my heart and  i hug you,
long and tight, hopping something i said will stick in your mind,
cause i know another person like you, i will not ever find.

Floating High 
up up up and away i fly, kissing life's worries goodbye.
i had a fine day today, now i watch my problems fade away.
a smile is on my face, as i no longer feel like a disgrace.
nothing can bring me down from this cloud, i feel too happy, i feel too proud.
but i dont want to be alone up here, so while im floating upwards i'll hold you near.
this happiness isnt even worth a penny, if there isnt anyone with me.
of all the people i know, this happiness is ours, only to you i shall show.
these wonderful feelings that i acquired, are because of you, my desired.
i want you to smile as bright as me, i want you to laugh, even if its at me.
so take my hand and i'll lift you with me up into the sky,
            where dreams come true, and there is no such thing as goodbye.

i found my life today,
it was sitting in the gutter like yesterday,
it didnt take long for it to end up this way,
no matter what i do this is the way it will stay.
dirty and unwanted, it sits in disarray,
no ups, no downs, just the same thing every day,
hopefully reincarnation isnt a dream too far away,
cause if i could live again, my life wouldnt be this way.
when i was quiet, i would speak, oh the words i would say.
instead of closing my mind, i would let it stray.
id take in everything that came my way.
dreams would never even start to fade away.
no problem would be to big to make me walk away.

now i sit and write on this paper,
the thoughts that float through my head.
the thoughts i have in the early morning,
the thought i have just before i go to bed.
the thoughts that drive me to go on till tomorrow,
the thoughts that make me question who i am.
the things that flow through my head,
easy to tell me i cant, hard to tell me i can.
negativity is an easy escape from who i am inside,
these thoughts, that rule my personality
filling my mind with useless information...
social prosperity, dignity, and all of humanity.
meaningless venues for my mind to wonder through
i try to see through all the bullshit
but theres too much, its hard to figure out whats real.
when i find something real, i try to put it in my thoughts but it wont fit.
my mind has been filled with the pointlessness of daily life.

Just Like This 
like an inmate walking down death row,
to the chair, to his fate, the fate he doesnt want to know.
like an infant dying, never knowing
what she could have known.
like the homeless man on the street,
starving, his stomach moans as he watches you eat.
like a dying man, who only has one wish,
but passes away before he can finish.
like the doctor, who wanted to save a life,
whos only patient he lost, was his wife.
like a soldier, fighting for our nation, who dies in a war,
but never really knew what he was fighting for.
like the shy, quiet girl next door,
who, everyday, gets beaten until shes on the floor.
like the starving kids of a foreign country,
who would do anything, to live like you and me.

My Lies 
i lied when i said i would miss you,
i really just wouldn't have anything better to do.
i lied when i said you're original,
your just the average person, a little less beautiful.
i lied when i told you how i feel,
the feelings i told you were never real.
i lied when i wrapped my arms around you,
you felt cold and hollow, my arms had froze to you.
i lied when i said we'd be together forever,
in my mind i think we should be together never.
i lied about who i am, when im with you,
i convinced myself to be someone different, just for you.
i lied when i told you i love you,
with a false response of "i love you too".

my thoughts are wondering...
just like they always do
but now matter how far they go
i cant stop thinking of you
i wait for you impatiently
seconds pass like hours
this time is waste, but wont be
when this time becomes ours
then i'll cherish every moment
i wont regret a single second
you said you want to know me better
more time together is what i recommend
i cant speed up time
so i'll continue to dream of you
until you return to me again
dreams, dreams are all i have of you

i miss you - i miss life
i long for pain - i grab a knife
slicing through my veins - the blade slides into my skin
most would cut their wrist - my heart is where i begin
my eyes roll back into my head - to you i whisper goodnight
this isnt such a hard thing to do - when you havent seen the light

i must no longer ignore it
i must begin to destroy it
i must no longer fear it
its my greatest
its my only
its me

Problems Arising 
i looked into your eyes, i fell into their abyss,
the world went away, all i felt is bliss,
how did i live so long? so long without this?
now i have a new problem, this i am really going to miss.

Because Of You 
happiness - is what i feel
why - because of you
when - ever you are around
when - ever i think of you
where - in my heart, in my eyes
who - its a feeling i get from only you
what - i dont know what it means, but i like the feel of it
happiness - from you to me
the hard part - giving it back to you
the easy part - letting it brighten my day

here i stand on both of my knees
looking into my hands covered in color
color from another
color not of my own
even if i was really there
things would still be the same
why do i have these pictures in my head
when i was really at home playing on the floor
waiting for you to come home that evening
then came the message
it hit me like a train
i wouldnt see you again
all i could do was scream
then the tears began to fall
eight years later they still flow at a steady pace
when will this go away? never?
only time will tell

no matter what you do...
do you feel like no one is watching?
are you waiting for your turn...
or do you just feel forgotten?
you've worked so hard to get this far...
would you throw it all away to be noticed?

Where Could You Be? 
missing you is like missing air
theres an emptiness i feel without you there
why arent you here? this just isnt fair...
your somewhere, something better there
you think i forgot about you, when i really do care
its my feelings that i cant seem to share
now i am without you, now im running out of air
gasping for a breathe, as you just stare
i wonder if its you who doesnt care...

To Myself 
this is a poem to myself, it helps me to find my emotions,
it helps me to free my mind, it helps me ignore the notions,
to be like everyone else, to be just another person in the crowd,
it helps me to speak my mind, it makes my voice loud,
i use it to learn, i use it to grow, grow into something unique,
to make myself bold, to give myself color, not to be oblique,
but even with this poem, emotions fall short, happiness is lost,
i push on, knowing its my true love i've lost,
but this poem keeps me alive, it lets me know, i have feelings left inside

i see
i see you
i see through you
i see through your lies
and inside your eyes
the truth lies
and i will not be blind
to all your lies
and in my mind
strength i'll find
i wont deny
my eyes
i see

not needed
not wanted
and rotten
overly beaten
lonely miserable
sad and cripple
used "saved"
im dead
im me
no more
no less

Corner Of My Mind 
head down against the ground
all alone, not a soul around
i feel so forgotten, so disregarded
i thought this is where i started
how did i end up here again?
this cold dark corner screams my name
maybe this is where i am to remain
i'll sit and cry, thinking, absorbing the pain
from a normal life i must refrain

Repetition Of Unneeded Retribution 
abusive excuses, flowing freely.
from your lips into my ears.
no explanation, no reasons why.
just another alibi, just another lie.
a way for you to hide, from whats on your mind.
a cover up, giving false hope, misleading, dead end.
unneeded retribution, unleashing my pain.
tell me the truth, speak your mind.

im a different kind of guy
not the good kind of guy
i look straight into your eyes
as i fill your head with lies
i tell you i love when i despise
happiness i fake so others are satisfied

Buried But Not Forgotten 
no need to move forward, only drifting back
all the pain, all the crying, wont bring you back
will these emotions go away?
or is the hatred here to stay?
brushing off the leaves as i kneel
headstone cold and bare, just how i feel
slipping down away from life
you left your child, you left your wife
it wasnt your fault, it was "fate"
it molded me, and set me straight
only one feeling left to have, hate
our time together i appreciate
its the time lost i regret
its you i'll never forget.

Price Of Consequence 
raging emotions, out of control
no path to guide me, no path to follow
winding and turning, wearing away
making my own path, going astray
originality is the source of my pain
so fuck me for now wanting to be the same?
whatever you want to think of me
you think you see it all, but you're blind to me
you can judge me from a mile away
judge me up close and you might be tempted to stay
in just one conversation i'll make an impression
like it or not, spare me your aggression
in not unique because someone told me to be
im unique because its me, its who i am.

My Hero 
you are my only hero
like me you're just a zero
thats what makes me proud
you're the quiet one, never loud
not needing recognition or praise
always strong, positive, and brave
you teach me a little more everyday
as long as i've known you its been this way
no one can replace you...
how did i live so long without you

wrap me up in your wicked illusion
make me forget who i was
twisting lies im full of confusion
cant remember whos fault it was
let me dry out in the sun
im dead in your mind
painful questions have just begun
with answers i wont ever find

Mind Blank 
heart broke and waiting
bored and contemplating
happy yet complaining
bright days but always raining
empty but thinking
emotion is fading

Not The One 
im not the one
im not the one
who made you cry
who said goodbye
im not the one
im not the one
who raises their voice
who made the bad choice
im not the one
im not the one
who said i'll say
but just walked away
im not the one
im not the one
who said you're on your own
or never picked up the phone
im not the one who betrayed you
this happened only because of you

A Poem To Myself 
this is a poem to myself
to teach me a lesson i should have learned long ago
to take my emotions off that dusty shelf
not to bottle it all up inside and to just let it go
this is poem to try to teach me
no matter how tall you are or how high on a mountain you sit
there's always something more to see
there's always a better a view, one you wont forget
this is a poem to make me understand
friends are there to help, there to guide, there to listen
they were there to help me crawl and now they will help me stand
i have to tell them how i feel so they will have a chance to listen
this is a poem all about who i should be
sure i like who i am now, but ive done some things i regret in my past
i don't want to be a different person, improvement is the key
i'll be myself, that's all i need to make my relationships last
this is a poem about the direction im going
and how badly in that direction i don't want to go
i want to make my own path, winding and flowing
a path of my own and all my secrets i will never show
this is a poem to teach myself how to have faith again
not faith in a higher power but faith in my fellow man
its hard to do when i see the same pain again and again
but i need to understand, people don't see things like i can
this is poem about myself, to share with all my friends
so maybe they will understand why i am who i am
everyone has problems, its part of the road of life as it twists and bends
hopefully they know how much they mean to me and how sorry i am

Audible Weapon 
i cant make sense of what you said
am i really just better off dead?
put the gun against my head
pull the trigger paint your world red
all those little words we said
built a bullet to pierce the skin
twisting through the air so thin
who knew "i love you" was such a sin

Learning Living Loving 
another day, another waste
another scar, another face
another kiss, another taste
another walk, another pace

another star, another sky
another wish, another dream
another sorry, another lie
another fish, another stream

another smile, another faked
another life, another taken
another fixed, another broken
another belief, another forsaken

another story, same old ending
another ending, same old story
live, learn, and love
you learn to live when you're in love
you live when you learn to love

i woke up one day
and told my sleeping body to continue to lay
this is a task for just my mind
to try to find if im really just one of a kind

no big deal
no reason really for wondering
just tired of seeing the same people

so out onto the street
i sent my mind that morning
observing, no need for speaking
just silently meeting

one more punk, another skater
a quiet goth, and a gangster
another soccer mom, kids in hand
another 30 year old in a local band

i dont fit in, these people arent me
luckily its just my mind
my body they cannot see

im not one of a kind
like i hopped I was…

im a little bit of everything
im somewhere in between
luckily im home in bed
where i wont be seen

i guess i dont have a group to follow
i'll have to make my own
but it will be for the best, even if i am alone
i know where i want to be
i know im not there
even if no one wants to follow me
i'll be proud when i get there
… even if i am alone.

purely physical
and its not dependable
connecting on higher level
now thats something special
love doesnt seem made for me
a temporary period of insanity
makes you do things never dreamed
believe things you never believed
but love might be just what i need

Daily Grind  
im the shell of a human
thats empty inside
stuck in the nine to five
killed by the daily grind

a dried out soul
and a broken heart
im an angry mind
a pile of broken parts

remind me of how i used to be
show me who i need to be now
a reason to keep my chin up
a reason to not stay down

im the shell of a human
you need to fill me up inside
it only takes three words
and a person by my side

More Bad Dreams 
the crimson red flowed down his back
as he lays face down in the dirt
after being shot in the back
they wanted his car for some extra cash
to buy some cocaine, to pay their debts life changed in a flash
i wouldnt have a father the next day
but i'll always remember those last words
the last words i'd here him say
"i love you son"... if only i had known...
that was a long time ago
now im older and grown
but everyday i miss you...
i love you dad.

Seperate Me 
all dressed up
with no where to go
so much to offer
but nothing to show
feeling blue
got my head in the clouds
the faster i get up
the faster i fall back down
so sperate me
my soul from my body
pick me up
show me the view
everybody's got something
i need something new
with my knees on the ground
the sights are getting old
black, white and shades of grey
everything seems cold
no better reason to wake up
then a reason to live
material wealth
has nothing to give
so seperate me
my soul from my body

Message From The Heart 
plastic, steel and wire
im the one that none admire
im as fake as fake can be
you can see right through me

tear away my skin
im the one you called your friend
hollow, empty, dead inside
truly one of a kind

bruised and bent
the wasted time you spent
just a pile of wires
that no one admires

im the broken heart
looking for another start
wounds that wont heal
im the heart that doesn't feel

its nine thirty two
and im dreaming of you
its nothing new
its what i always do
not at any certain time
just when you're on my mind

missing you is easy to do
you were something special
there's no one else quite like you
i compare all the others
they never come close to you

not sure why i let you go
i wish i let my feelings show
im trained to keep it all inside
use a smile to tell a little lie
“everything's okay, i'll be alright”
if only i knew how stupid i was
to let you out of my sight

I Cared 
the kill switch is engaged
and i feel so enraged
the cycle came to an end
this is how you lose a best friend

i cared too much about who you see
my heart fills with jealousy
so close but so far away
this is why love fades away

everyday we grew apart
i noticed it from the very start
its amazing what one lie can do
this is why i stopped loving you

from beginning, to ending
i feel im descending
down a spiral to hell
a place i know too well

broken hearts and open wounds
im tired of the same bad news
we're over, we're done for
this is why i dont need you anymore

Just Once 
one look in the other direction
and you're never there for me
one weekend getaway
and you dont ever want me
one mistake i made
and you never trust me
one little phone call missed
and you wont talk to me
even if i was perfect
you still wouldnt ever love me

i failed, failed so miserably
i thought we'd always be
said i'd never make you cry
never wanted to say goodbye
never wanted to be more dead
than that moment that i said
i dont need anyone anymore
on my knees, i cried to the floor
should have thought before i spoke
it was more than one heart that i broke

im not a man im an animal
i break hearts im a criminal
my actions are inexcusable
im hollow and invisible
im a copy easily replaceable
my heart is a crucible
my soul is a fraction of a decimal
im bland and predictable
throw me away im expendable
so incredibly irresponsible
im nothing but regrettable
im nothing incredible

umbrella in hand
but its folded at my side
walking alone
even though i have a ride
its one of those days
where nothing gets you down
no matter what is said
you just cant bring me down
today is just another day
of the rest of my life
but whats the point of living
if you cant feel alive

you couldnt be further from my heart
didnt even think we'd have a start
then i never thought we'd have an end
guess our love was dead before it began
all has been said, i know now it was all a lie
i think in your heart you wanted this goodbye
i was always wrong, you were always right
you pushed me away with all your might
i cared too much or i didnt try hard enough
we knew our relationship would be tough
i didnt think you would be trying to throw it away
it was your end of the rope that started to fray
i gave you my very best
you turned out like all the rest

Rise And Shine 
woke up with the sheets around my feet
and some drool on my pillow
messy hair, morning breath
im just your normal naked fellow
every morning is a special routine
i get messed up if somethings out of place
i'll forget to put on underwear
or try to comb my face
im not much of a morning person
but i do my best to get moving
every now and then i get a little lazy
and in my first class i'll start snoozing
dreaming of where i'd rather be
home in bed, wrapped up snuggly
a nice big bed with big soft pillows
oh man, wouldnt that be lovely
then i'll be awakened
by that weird kid that sits next to me
i'll be groggy and grumpy
snap at the kid, "man dont touch me"
teacher will stop teaching
to lecture me about staying out late
the bell will ring
finally its time to evacuate
run to my next class
then drive on home
day dreaming all day
man how my mind can roam
most of the time their silly dreams
sea shores and driving fast
the bad dreams go on forever
while the good dreams never seem to last
sleep walking and day dreaming
sometimes i feel i slept through my day
i was awake but nothing touched me
sometimes life and dreams end the same way
you always wake up for another day

Cheap Entertainment 
running with scissors
in the house of mirrors
im taking my chances
im not very romantic
but i look good by your side
slowly running out of pride
for myself and who i am
selling my soul on cam
porno star to sunday's preacher
growing up, getting weaker
fragile heart with a stable mind
quick to think you're one of a kind
yes its true what they say
the yarn of my life is starting to fray
but in the middle, not at the ends
im a horrible person with lots of friends
guess i should warn my next mate
im expired, two months out of date
a little old fashioned, i treat my girl right
never looking to screw on the first night
im sorry if you think lesser of me
dont forget theres always more fish in the sea
but if you dont like your door opened for you
or having someone who will always stay true
you dont have to choose me baby
you might even be better off without me
so im sticking my head in a blender
seems its the only way to forget her
i got all these rushing emotions
all these hints and the notions
i found my heart again
i had left it with a friend

You Can Make It Without Me 
its so hard to believe in this dream
when we're ripping apart at the seams
its not hard to believe in my will and chance to be
myself in all this insanity

if im here at the end of the day
its only because i had to stay
i can make the change
we can make it through

i know life can be unfair
especially when no ones there
when you need someone to talk to
where is my thread running through
im keeping my connection true
for me, the world and my love for you

if im still here at the end of the day
its because i had so much left to say
you can make the change
and i can make it through
you can make it
i know you can
we can make it
i know we can

if i die
before i wake
i'll need you to know
its not a mistake
live moves on
with or without us
i'll need you to trust me
be happy, stay healthy
live your life
the way you want it to be
i'll always be inside
reminding you how it once felt
our love, our life
together and forever
you and me

lifes great big tragedy
is not being able to
prevent what we see
i told you once that you could trust
in everything that i've ever been
we can make the change
we can make it through this life
you can make it
i know you can

My Turn Is Over 
to my surprise
im not one of a kind
cause in your eyes
im replaceable
it was just my time
to be at the front of the line
whore just moved on
down, down and on to the next one

face to face
hate to hate
this is a war
not a fucking debate
stomp on my dreams
and i'll bury you
i have a future
it doesnt include you
fist to fist
tears to blood
my only regret
is  thinking it was love

Everythings Fine 
theres nothing wrong?
who are you trying to kid?
you didnt act like this before
i just want to know what i did
was i in you way
or was i never there?
did i smother you
or did it seem i didnt care?
you spoke before you thought
i think the fault is with you
you didnt even feel
when you said "i love you"

In Deep 
knee deep
in this shit
cant climb out
of this pit
down deep
in this hate
cant seem
to concentrate
drowning deep
in these lies
were happiness
cant survive

I Dreamed I Died 
i dreamed i died
no one cared no one cried
just like i thought
happiness can be bought
a cut to the throat
and thats all she wrote
no walking away
here i forever lay
in this shallow hole of pain
where i can feel the rain
beat upon my face
such a disgrace
i dreamed i died
and only sky had cried

the world changed
when i was created

like messiahs and salvation
my death is awaited

every choice i make
is twice debated

every word i speak
is misquoted, misstated

feel i speak a language
that cant be translated

no need to feel
its overrated

lies arent told
their integrated

never time for rest
when you're the hated

everything dear
gets desecrated

wheres the life
everyones sedated

to everyone like me
this poem is dedicated

free your mind
its time to be liberated

Most Favored 
hardly more than a curator
he's a pathetic vindicator
call me heretic, call me traitor
in your eyes you're always greater
really just another translator
working for that invisible dictator
the one they call creator

Things Change 
im the structure without the frame
everyone knows who i am
but no one knows my name
the one time i am serious
everyone thinks its a game
what i feared is what i became
full of sorrow full of shame
things wont ever be the same
so raise your weapons and take aim
burn me alive set me aflame
remove my pictures from their frames
cause things wont ever be the same

Define Hate 
its a common topic of debate
this little four letter notion called hate
but you cant define it, you have to relate
the feeling you get
when your stood up on your frist date
its the curve in the road
when you just wanted to go straight
its the final comment that makes you irate
its saying goodbye to your soul mate
when you think you know it all
but you were never au fait
its being at the end of your path
with one last key that doesnt unlock that final gate
its the meaning of life you cant translate

Beat Me Up Inside 
punch to the face
i hit the floor
"such a disgrace"
i come back for more

i just want
to be told im beautiful
thats not much to ask
does it make me awful?

kick to the ribs
now im out of breath
couldnt care less
how im hurt next

just want someone to hold
and someone to hold me back
without having to worry
about being stabbed in the back

cut to the neck
i watch the blood
hit the floor
oh baby, gimme more

just wanted some love
got more than i could handle
i have to admit
you were my favorite scandal

sometimes its hard to say i love you
no matter how well they know you
some things just take time
but you never left my mind

the road gets bumpy
and times get tough
everyone has there days
when enough is enough
keep your head up high
but both feet on the ground
dont give up on life
happiness will come back around

i speak
when spoken to
same excuses
that i hear from you
i see
with an eye or two
getting ill
at the sight of you
i feel
the way i do
for better or worse
i always loved you

First Flower 
pouring rain
dark skies ahead
black and gray
images in my head

petals of red
dark as blood
you're the first flower
after the flood

ray of light
on my dark afternoon
just want to know
why you left me so soon

now on my own
out in the cold
cant wait to be
alone and old

Where And When 
deep regret
from where i've been
hard to forget
what my eyes have seen
living with burden
for what i've done
guess i am
just another man
guess i am
only human

Dropping The Ball 
im dropping the ball
its slipping away
through my fingers
or thrown away
i've lost my grip
life's rolling away
i dropped the ball
but its falling your way
tried to catch it
on my own
but the weight was that
of a stone
catch it or drop it
its up to you
cant keep it alone
i can only make it with you

Another Taste 
there were smiles
there were tears
feelings revealed
confronted fears
there were hard times
there was lots of fun
a rediscovered love
maybe she is really the one
i still smell her on my clothes
and taste her gentle kiss
she showed me all the affection
i didnt even know i missed
her hand holding mine
her arms around my waist
an exchange of emotions
and we're giving love another taste

eyes shut
eyelids exposed
mind is open
body enclosed
dreams of pleasure
dreams of pain
the life i wanted
or the life insane
sunsets and ferraris
zebras and oceans
telling my future
only hints and notions
timeline shortening
life is a dying trend
but in my dreams
happiness has no end

One Month 
in one month
i went to the zoo
had a romantic evening
dinner for two

in one month
i relived my childhood
as we roller skated
but most important
our love got reinstated

in just one month
i gave a thousand smiles
we proved love cant be stopped
by a mere few hundred miles

in one month
i found how to live
for this month on
all my love to you i'll give

in one month
collected memories galore
cant wait to have these feelings
tomorrow and forever more

The Price 
look into
my bleeding eyes
from past experience
to all the lies
lessons lived
and lessons learned
the scars i wear
are the scars i earned

dancing around my head
whispers taughting
of what you said
i let you slip
between my fingers
once before
but never again
i lost my love
i lost a friend
once before
but never again

feeling the spit
hit my face
as you laugh at me
and put me in my place

im a bottom feeder
kissing your feet
living on the floor
as i beg for more

right away i can see
you'll always hope i'll be
below you, my superior
im a slave, im your inferior

Substance Abuser 
not an addict or a user
im just the number one consumer
cant get what i want any sooner
late night, early morning, afternooner

red pills, blue pills, yellow pills, green pills
from thrills to spills
my growing hunger it fulfills
the world turns to images, motionless stills
this is life without the frills

the unguided missle cruiser
victim of the pointed finger acuser
the end cant come any sooner
for this sad, pathetic, loser
the substance abuser

End: Day One 
a room so empty
painted in shades of gray
nothing seems to last
just different states of decay
facing the mirror i ask
who am i today?
lost, scared, confused
a mind in disarray
this is my daily torment
when you are so far and away

End: Yesterday And Tomorrow 
from yesterday to tomorrow
memories all around
her home isnt here
will she ever come back down?
i dont believe in an afterlife
because heaven is just a town
heaven is wherever
her feet touch the ground
heaven is the pillow
where her head lays down
she brings the bliss
the happiness thats world renown
and until her return
upon my face i will wear this frown

Sleeping Alone 
another night, sleeping alone in my bed
dreaming of those words that were never said
binding us together, they were our thread
holding us close, now im sleeping with the dead

in my room
in this period
of gloom
i smell the perfume
reminding me of you
as i sit here
alone in my tomb
alone in my room

Change Of Pace 
this is a change of pace
but i cant past
the beauty of your face
given the chance
my steps i would retrace
its always been
about more than the chase
you're the supple flower
im the hollow vase
you'll never know
how i long for our next embrace

where am i
whats my name
oblivious am i
im totally unaware
is what im trying to imply
im looking up
but cant see the sky
shaking hands
when i say goodbye
answering questions
with no reply
making plans
for after i die
from the cup gone dry
never taking time
to ask for reasons why
stumbling and delirious
oblivious am i

Last Words 
speak the way you feel
words aren't meant to heal
as you speak its obvious
but in the end its all just words
speak from the heart
words are a good place to start
just remember
actions speak
louder than words
speak the honest truth
words not meant for the youth
words can hurt
more than stones
speak the way you feel
words aren't meant to heal

Way Out 
water filled lungs - im drowning
strangled - i breathe deep
flat lining - my heart beats true
consequences of knowing you
swinging from the noose
i ask for one a little tighter
soak me in gasoline
then hand me the lighter
tell me who i am again
fill my head with doubt
i cant breathe when you smother me
so im looking for a better way out

i'll be happy some other day
i see myself and look away
the distance is showing now on my face
soon from here i'll disappear
disappear without a fucking trace
the smile i miss, the face so far away
i lost a friend along the way
memories i thought would never fade
im afraid they'll blow away
i wish that i could disappear
to that place so far from here
so i could be yours again
from now until the end

I Want, I Need, I Fall 
all i want, all i need
always just out of reach
i've been coming up empty
i run as fast as i can
i pushed as hard as anyone
still nothing left for me
and i want...
i've tried as hard as i can
and i need...
i've taken all i can stand
and i fall...
never to rise again
after all is said and done
i'm back where i started from
and i want...
try as hard as i can
and i need...
take all i can stand
and then i fall...
never to rise again

I'm A Friend 
if you listened and observed
you'd see i wear your scars
i wont let you get the best of me
i wont let you get the best of yourself
you wont even try to listen to me
but im going to keep hanging on
im giving you all i can
i can see the end, i can feel it
wouldnt believe me if i told you
that i know now what is to follow
because the truth is so hard to swallow

the look on your face
was priceless
the look on his face
there was no trace
of sadness
no reasonable motive
to your madness
the look on your face was priceless
the look on his face was priceless
you liar, you cheat
you whore, you're worthless
you got caught
and the look on your face was priceless

Life Is Doing Time 
life is doing time
even if you didnt commit the crime
no evidence
to convince the jury
you are here to kill me
make sure im good and buried
in your face
no signs of panic
no signs of worry
no emotions
you're like a killer
from a classic horror story
i died
the first time you said my name
i knew then
life wouldnt ever be the same
you must have your reasons
for driving me insane
no evidence
to convince the jury
pleading insanity
pleading guilty
lock me up
throw away the key
lock me up
just to keep you away

Guy Between 
im your first rate second choice
i can tell by the hesitation in your voice
pushed the to edge your decision was made
another reason i shouldn't have stayed
love is your favorite verb
used it to push my feelings to the curb
the web you wove was strong
but it didn't hold me for long
i got away - i ran away - right out the door
think what you want, i wont be back for more

No Sleep 
sleeping awake
tossing and turning
inside my skin
standing still
running in circles
yet again
colors run
colors fade
a lovely gray blend
sleeping awake
no dreams tonight
a repeating trend

More Fighting 
i dont want to hear your apology
i know its just as worthless
as if i were to say im sorry
no sympathy - we're ruthless
each day more fighting
all of us want to die
the pressures rising
i dont even want to try

I Dont Ever Want To Be 
its the beginning of the end
not sure where we lost control
just like in the beginning
in the end im all alone
i dont ever want to be
the person you want to forget
the one to make you resent it
the reason you regret it
i dont ever want to be
the one to make you divide it
the one to make you deny it
the one to make you deprive it.
i dont ever want to be

I Want To Be 
i want to be
your provider, your protector
your best friend, your lover
your comrade, your boyfriend
some day, your husband
your amigo, your homie
your heart, your beauty
your valentines
your sweetheart
your man, your classmate
your boy toy, your soul mate
your romance, your happiness
your ldbear, your servant
your roommate, your worker
and everything in between

because in my dreams
there's no such thing as goodbye
just our best memories
our best moments, frozen in time
no distance is too great
to keep you from my side
we're together in my dreams
the open eyes of the mind
lonely when i wake, so i sleep
because there is no goodbye
when we're in my dreams

Burn Away 
light the match
and let it burn away
i'll never again
let things get this way
out with the old
in with the new
pack your things
first to go is you
soaked in gasoline
time to make my spark
the hole in my soul
is where you made your mark
how did i ever
let things get this way
let it burn, let it burn
let it burn away

Its Amazing 
its amazing im sane
with all the times
i've screamed out in vain
its amazing i still care
because when i need someone most
seems they're never there
its amazing my heart still beats
with my lack of victories
and my growing number of defeats
its amazing i still obey
when the situations of life
never seem to go my way

In Doubt When Im Alone 
tell me something
cause i dont know
if that looks for me
why dont you tell me
what it is you see in me

tell me something
dont know if that looks for me
i ask this question expecting
twisted lies to come clean
i face it - i see it
dont wanna be it
i hate it - i feed it

you'll never know how i miss you
and cant wait to see you
so tell me something
cause i dont know
if that looks for me

yesterday has passed
tomorrow is coming fast
the memories remain

you came, you went
my emotions were spent
the memories remain

laughs of happiness
to the silence of loneliness
the memories remain

the goodnight kiss
is another thing i miss
the memories remain

marriage and children
the future we believed in
the memories remain

no matter where you stray
near or far far away
the memories will remain

To The One I Left Behind 
life is the consequence
of your latest choice
in love there's no alone
always a soothing voice

life can be truly hard
sometimes the pain can burn
you don't get what you deserve
you don't always get what you earn

tears from the past
today's sorrows, yesterdays regret
don't let them blind you
some moments you wont want to forget

the going will get tougher
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
pull through, tomorrow will be brighter
you wont suffer any longer

Depths Of The Heart 
you're skating on a thawing rink
do you really want to stop and think
after the ice cracks - but before you drown
open your eyes wide - take a look around
shore is too far to save yourself now
the weight of your clothes pulling you down
the freezing water your coffin, i'll meet you at the bottom

Sayings:      [ back to top ]

its better to be broken than it is to break.

it isnt love because i can live with you, its love because i cant live without you

live fast, but dont miss a thing

when words arent exchanged, silence invades

words fade, promises break, opinions change, but memories remain

there will always be a part of me that goes unsaid

a lesson lived is a lesson learned. [everyday is a lesson.]

its not about the words that are said, its about the words that are never spoken.

start a path - dont follow one

trust isnt found in a person, its found in a friend.

i'll count the days i've suffered through, to see if they add up to you

if i were to walk a million miles, and swim across the oceans, and crawl up to your feet, would you forgive me for what ive done? because for you i would do that, and i mean this from my heart, if i wasnt willing to go the distance, or swim across the seas, or crawl on both my knees, then i dont think our love even began to start

if i was a monkey, you'd be the first person i'd throw my shit at.

id rather you leave and be out of my life then to have you stay, simply so you can proclaim you were always there for me.

in a world made for people that "fit in" i proudly call myself an individual... an original person, creative and unique, because im not afraid to be myself, im not afraid to take a chance, my only fear is being thought of as being like everyone else.

ask why, be curious, question everything, dont let someone tell you that you are someone you're not. live by what you feel is right, not by what you are told is right.

start a path today. everyone else follows paths... be different, go out and make one... even if it doesnt lead you anywhere.

(C) all above material written by LD Forrest     [ email ]