Funny Quotes From Stupid People: I'd like to thank my parents and my mother and father. It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Watertown, MA church bulletin. Irving Jones and Jessie Brown were Married on Oct. 24. So ends a friendship that began in school days. Senator Bob Dole when asked about if American lives were more important than foreign lives. Life is very important to Americans. Dave Garcia, interim manager for the Cleveland Indians, explaining why the team had won there first 7 games: The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games. Jack Nicholson: My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. Former Vice President Dan Quayle on relationships between mother and child: Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. Sign in a Moscow hotel, referring to visiting the graveyard in a famous Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. I have nothing to say. And I'll only say it once. A jury awarded the family $1.5 million in compensatory damages and $10 million in punitive damages.  After deducting attorneys' fees and expenses, the family received $4.96 in punitive damages, with the father receiving half and the children splitting the difference "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. This quote is from Former Houston Oiler and Florida State Coach Bill Peterson. Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl. Quote from George Bush: It has been said by some cynic, maybe it was a former president, "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog."  Well, we took them literally--that advice, as you know.  But I didn't need that because I have Barbara Bush. Elevator sign in a Denver office building: Braille instructions.   Please see below.