Funny Newspaper Headlines And Quotes:
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty.
Alzheimer's Center Prepares For An Affair To Remember
Gas Cloud Clears Out Taco Bell.
Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club Members Meet
Georgia Peaches California Grown 89 Cents lb.
Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
Man Jumps Off 2nd Street Bridge; Either Jumper Nor Body Found
After Detour To California; Shuttle Returns To Earth
Fried Chicken Cooked In Microwave Wins Trip
Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
Properly Drafted Will Reduces Anxiety After Death
Study Reveals Those Without Insurance Die More Often
Experts Increase Probability Of Big Quake in California
Man Found Dead In Cemetery
Gunfire In Sarajevo Threatens Cease-fire
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Deer Kill 17,000
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
"Some 40% of female gas station employees in Metro Detroit are women, up from almost none a year ago." (Detroit News article)
Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee (Toronto Star headline)
"Publicize your business absolutely free! Send $6." (Entrepreneur Magazine ad)
Gators To Face Seminoles With Peters Out (The Tallahassee Bugle)
Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times)
Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)
Governor Chiles Offers Rare Opportunity To Goose Hunters (The Tallahassee Democrat)
Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely! (The Houston Chronicle)
Governor's Penis Busy [should be "Pen Is"] (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)
Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son
Clinton Places Dickey In Gore's Hands (Bangor Maine News)
Starr Aghast At First Lady Sex Position (The Washington Times)
Clinton Stiff On Withdrawal (The Bosnia Bugle)
Long Island Stiffens For Lili's Blow (Newsday)
Organ Festival Ends In Smashing Climax (San Antonio Times)
Rose Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-free (Chicago Daily News)
Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders (The Miami Herald)
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