Funny Bumper Stickers:
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
A day without sunshine is, like, night.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
Life is sexually transmitted.
Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive, anyway
When you're finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone else decide to play chess?
Never knock on Death's door:
Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
I don't have a problem with willpower.
It's won't power I have a problem with
My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.
We do precision guesswork.
Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.
Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Despite the cost of living, it's still popular.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and driving against traffic.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
43.3% of statistics are meaningless!
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply
Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Problem with the gene pool ...... no lifeguard.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Dyslexics of the world, untie.
Clones are people two.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Quantum mechanics: The stuff dreams are made of.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, and sometimes I let him sleep!
So you're a feminist... Isn't that cute!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots... I married their king.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I can resist anything but temptation
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
Jesus saves, passes to Moses; shoots, SCORES!
Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
Jesus is coming! Look busy!
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger!
Discourage Inbreeding: Ban Country Music
Single Male Seeks: Double jointed supermodel who owns a brewery and grows her own pot.
Careful! I'm not wearing clean underwear!
Zero to naked in 6.5 beers
DARE: to keep cops of donuts
Monica blew it for Bill
Life is short, dont be a dick.
I swerve for cats
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....
Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Caution: Driver no longer gives a shit
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Driver naked from the waist down.
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I slow for tailgaters
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I'm not tailgating, I'm drafting
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Your tailgating intimidation is wasted on my cruise control.
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When I grow up I want to be a diesel
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The Closer You Get, The Slower I Go
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This is not an abandoned vehicle
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My car goes 0 - 60 and I'm proud
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I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
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It's time to pull over and change the air in your head
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Women may come, and women may go, but you can always rely on your truck.
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Get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on.
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I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Looking for your cat? Check under my wheels.
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Real men don't wear bowties
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If God is your co-pilot, SWITCH SEATS
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WARNING: I drive like you do!
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Why am I the only one on the planet who knows how to drive
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Friends don't let friends drive Chevys
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!SLAMINA ROF EKARB OHW ELPOEP TIH I
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Brat in trunk
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Babe on Board
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Check twice - save a life
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DIE TAILGATER SKUM!
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Don't laugh - your daughter may be in here
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Drive like hell - you'll get there!
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Ex-Boyfriend in Trunk
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Ex-Girlfriend in Trunk
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Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !
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Friends don't let Friends drive Naked
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Gas, Grass or Ass - nobody rides for free
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GET OFF THE PHONE AND DRIVE!
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Put away your make-up and drive.
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Put away your lipstick and drive.
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Hang Up And Drive
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Go ahead and hit me - I need the money
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Honk if you love goat cheese
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Honk if you are codependent
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How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT SHIT
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I Brake for Penguins
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I Brake for Lunch
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I Brake for No Apparent Reason
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I Brake for Tailgaters!
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I Brake for Unicorns
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I HIT PEOPLE WHO BRAKE FOR ANIMALS!
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I'd Rather be Driving my Tank
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If the van is rockin' don't come knockin'
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If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk
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If you're not a hemorrhoid - get off my ass!
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Mafia Staff Car - Keepa You Hands Off
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Mother-in-law in trunk
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MY OTHER CAR IS AT THE IRS!
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My other car is up my nose.
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Please honk if you would like to see my finger.
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So many pedestrians, so little time.
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This Car Insured By Smith and Wesson
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Tow-ers will be violated
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Truckers F*** More
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Turn signal broken, watch for finger.
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You Toucha My Car I Breaka You Face
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I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.
Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.
Did you check if your horn works?
I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.
CLINTON HAPPENS.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
I can only please one person a day, and today ain't your day... (tomorrow ain't looking good either).
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
i souport publik edekasion
All generalizations are false.
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
No matter where you go, you're there.
Life's a beach, and then you drown.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
It's been Monday all week.
Gravity always gets me down.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
Grow your own dope. Plant a man.
My karma ran over your dogma.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.
Welcome to California. Now go home!
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving.
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!
I'm back by popular demand.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
WARNING: mental backup in progress.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.